A Sick Chick’s Thoughts on the Amazon Boycott

It was Prime Day, the summers answer for Cyber Monday or Black Friday, but of course, it’s all on Amazon. Whether it’s being pissed off that the site was frequently down, or that the deals weren’t what you wanted, it’s a guarantee that someone somewhere is upset. There were definitely valid concerns behind the call for a boycott, including how Amazon hurts smaller bookstores and a lot of authors. There were also valid concerns over how the company treats warehouse workers.

So did I boycott? No. 

Yes, I’ve had jobs that sucked, involved tedious work, with a ton of standing, and I’ve had break rooms that are as far away as my break itself is. I also miss seeing little bookshops around town. Whenever I can, I do choose to shop in store for  books. I also tend to read a lot of smaller authors, who may have a series or two, but aren’t always super well known. Sometimes they are, but if the book series is 10 books long, and those books are FREE on Kindle, I’m going to read for free. I will, however, try and buy the first or second book (depending on if there is a sample or not for me to judge how far I’ll get into the series.) The book I buy, I often end up giving away. This ends up not always benefiting the author in the long haul, but hey, I tried.

I’m poor.

I can’t afford to buy every book I read, even digitally, so when I have something like Prime Unlimited, I don’t just want free books, I need free books. If I can afford a book, I’ll buy a hard copy of it. Some books, from authors I know and love, I’ll buy the hard copy because I’ll know I’ll want to share it with someone. I have books that have been passed along so often, I wouldn’t be surprised if one came unexpectedly back some day.

I’m Disabled 

Amazon in general, makes my life possible. I’ll have my roommate get some groceries for me when he’s out, but I prefer to be as independent as I can be. The best way to get groceries right now, for me, is to order them through Prime Now. I have stores to choose from, but Amazon tends to have the best prices. Other items I may need, are also often procured via Amazon. When the world begins to strip abilities from you, you cope. I do hope they come up with a way to make their warehouse employees happier, but I also recognize that a lot of warehouse jobs are just difficult. It’s repetitive, manual labor. There are things that Amazon can do to make these employees’ lives better, and we should find a way to hold them accountable for their actions.

But don’t HATE me. 

Friends were upset when they found out I shopped on Prime Day, but there were a few things I already needed, and they were on sale, so of course I shopped. Many more are still boycotting Amazon, and are irritated that I won’t. I’m writing this, and then I’m placing an order for melatonin. It has been far too hot for me to even use my wheelchair to get to the store and buy things, even little things. I am not a cold human being. I understand that the employees are unhappy, and that a giant company is squashing smaller business through just sheer domination of the market. I also understand that I have needs as a human that this giant dominant entity is capable of providing me with

You do you. Boycotts are great, and walk outs are great, too. Attempting to unionize, pushing for certain legislation, all good ways to make a statement. Just don’t come down too hard on the people who opt not to participate. Some of us need companies like Amazon, because we aren’t physically capable of getting through our sick people lives without them.

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A Sick Chick’s Thoughts on the Amazon Boycott

Neurobehcets – When it Doesn’t Make Sense, but Does

Prepare yourselves for a little breakdown of my neurological funkiness, and what may or may not be related to the Behcet’s (but probably is). The reality is we don’t have a way of knowing exactly when my Behcet’s began, though likely in childhood. We also have no way of knowing when my neurological issues began with Behcet’s, though the thought process right now is somewhere in my teens.

My oral ulcers started in late elementary school, and we just figured I was a kid who got a lot of canker sores. I also got a lot of strep throat. Then in middle school I had these annoying episodes where one arm would jerk, and I would make a squeaking noise. I never saw a doctor, because it didn’t happen often enough to create concern, but it was annoying. (I would later be diagnosed with Tourettes, however, the occurrence is so infrequent, I never even remember to mention it in my medical appointments.) In my late teens I started to notice I had crappy balance.

This is where it gets important: the only reason I noticed, was because my friends pointed it out.

When we would all walk together, the ongoing joke, which was also the truth, was that everyone needed to walk on my right side. I tended to veer right, and if the group didn’t stay on that side, I wouldn’t walk straight, and would end up missing the conversation, or even trip. At 16 I’d torn a disc in my back (at the time we didn’t know the disc was injured, it took five years to get a scan, but that’s a whole different story). When I’d get wobbly or off, we just sort of figured it was back related.

Then in college, at 18, something scary happened. I got up out of bed, and my right leg was useless. I could move it, but I couldn’t really control the movement, and I couldn’t keep my foot up. A friend helped me get to the health center, where we found out I had no reflexes in my right leg. He hit my knee over and over and nothing. I was told I likely had a pinched sciatic nerve, aggravated from the prior back injury (which still hadn’t been scanned) and sent back to my dorm with crutches.

Yay student health systems! 

By 20 I knew I had something autoimmune going on, but my brain wasn’t really a concern. I had a seizure, but I’d been drugged, so the thought was obviously that the drug had induced the seizure. I developed PTSD, and future seizures were assumed to be psychosomatic. Except, they weren’t. I had also begun developing issues before my PTSD, where I would get dizzy, lose feeling and coordination on my right side, and begin to slur my words, or forget them all together. It was terrifying, and I’d often just have to sit in stores and wait for it to pass.

Eventually I saw a neurologist who misdiagnosed me with juvenile myoclonic epilepsy. The drugs made me sick, and my balance issues and lapses in focus continued. I would be okay, then have intense headaches and be stuck inside for days. Sometimes they’d say it was a migraine, but other times they couldn’t sort it out. There times when it was so bad I refused to go to the ER because I didn’t want to get up off the bed or floor. Once I dropped in the kitchen from the pain, and just laid there for nearly four hours.

A new neurologist saw me, and looped back to psychosomatic issues. They diagnosed the Tourettes which was random, but inconsequential with all the other issues. Thus began a decade of neurological struggles. Some neurologists believed me, others insisted it was a psychological issue causing seizure like episodes. We took videos of muscles spasms I couldn’t be controlling. We took videos of me trying to walk during episodes. We did whatever we could, but if it wasn’t on an MRI, they didn’t care.

I was actually blacklisted from a neurologist’s office because he was sick of me demanding that he figure out what was going on. Another told me I had MS, before later telling me he was wrong.

My current neurologist is amazing, and has stated that he believes my issues are 100% because of my Behcet’s, but he won’t diagnose neurobehcets because I don’t meet all the criteria. The only criteria I’m missing is sign of brain stem atrophy, or lesions. I’ve been receiving treatments since before neurological issues presented, and in fact, the neurological issues worsened and became noticeable, when I was on a hiatus from immune suppressing therapies.

I never really thought my neurological issues could be related to my Behcet’s, until I noticed the lack of coordination coincided with flares. Then I thought back to all the years, all the signs, and my heart sunk.

So now I’ve seen the new rheumatologist, and he, without a moment’s hesitation, declared neurobehcets as the culprit. True, I don’t have lesions (yet) or brainstem deterioration (yet), but isn’t that a GOOD thing? Even textbooks on the issue of neurobehcet’s have admitted that the criteria that exists is based on limited patient samples. Plus the reality is that it’s a rarer complication of an already rare disease. In my case, having the HLA-B51 subtype does put me at an increased risk of certain neurological impacts of the disease.

The question becomes what are my issues from NB (neurobehcets):

  1. Ataxia
  2. Seizures
  3. Fatigue
  4. Lack of coordination
  5. Muscle weakness (especially in heat)
  6. Hyperactive reflexes (makes anything that triggers involuntary movement in my legs extraordinary challenging to deal with. Shivering? Game over.)
  7. Headaches
  8. Autonomic neuropathy – which impact me thus far via:
    1. Issues with regulating heart rate and blood pressure
    2. Digestive issues, primarily lower GI issues involving intestinal dysmotility, and also aggravation of my gastroparesis
    3. Temperature regulating – this becomes a problem with things like hot baths/showers/tubs, or if I have a seizure. It’s normal to get warm during a seizure, but I struggle to come back down temperature wise. I also don’t get fevers when normal people do, sometimes. It’s frustrating to have a severe and painful kidney infection, but no fever. Doctors don’t tend to take you seriously

I’m sure that there are other issues I’m not even aware of, because I’ve just lived with them as they’ve shown up in my life. A friend was staring at me as I missed the keyhole several times. It’s normal for me. I didn’t realize until that moment, that most people can put the key, into the keyhole, without several bother attempts. I’d simply been doing it that way for a long time. The odd thing is, I never missed a vein when I was a phlebotomist, but I also would shake violently after each patient, and be exhausted after my shifts. I was also healthier at that time.

Acute NB tends to hit, and then go away. It can come back, but a course of heavy steroids, often IV, tends to knock it out. This is what was assumed to be happening when I was hospitalized a year and a half ago. Now, at the time, they didn’t know what was going on, so for six days we tried to deal with my heart rate being all over, from too high, to way too low. I couldn’t walk, because I shook to hard. When they stopped my Neurontin, my jaw locked shut. Finally they gave into rheumatology’s suggestion that we throw steroids at it, just in case it was related to an autoimmune issue. They’d done spinal taps, MRI’s, I’d coded, it was time to just do something.

Three days on IV steroids, and I was discharged with a walker.

I tried to point out that it was a classic acute NB flare, but because my spinal tap had been normal, as had what they could see on the MRI before I had my seizure in the machine, they refused to diagnose me.

As the steroids tapered down, the instability, and coordination issues returned. That was when I went to NYU, started Remicade, and then promptly ended up on Cytoxan.

Now I’m ready for my next round of IVIG. I notice the disappearance of the non-permanent neurological issues. I’ll always have ataxia, but the really obvious manifestations don’t come during the first 3 weeks of IVIG. The headaches are gone. Knock on wood but I haven’t had a seizure since starting IVIG, either. My hyperactive reflexes are permanent, but they appear to be limited to my legs right now, and mostly my left leg which makes sense. (My right leg is somewhat dumb from the back injury.)

I’m just happy to start over with a rheumatologist who is ready to fight as hard as I am. I loved my old rheumy, but her refusal to consider that I may have issues that were NB, because I missed the imaging to support it, was upsetting.

Why should I be forced to get sicker, when I’m clearly responding to treatment, and have all the symptoms of the disease?

Advocate for yourselves. Fight hard. The wanted to put me in a nursing home after I was discharged from the hospital. I had friends help me so I could get to NYU, and get options I wouldn’t otherwise have. You are stronger than you know.

Neurobehcets – When it Doesn’t Make Sense, but Does