Round 5: Cytoxan … My Body is Pissed

I get anxious before everyone round of Cytoxan, and there isn’t anything I can do about it. Think about having the flu, or a stomach bug…now imagine you knew it was coming, and that there was nothing you could do to prevent it. You’d be anxious. I promise you’d be anxious.

So the guy agreed to come with me this time, and a friend came with me, too, which definitely made me slightly less focused on the impending misery. This time they did give me the Ativan, which helped, but I pushed myself a bit. Having a friend in town, I wanted to go eat after chemotherapy. I kept everything down, but I was just so tired. Then I woke up the next day, an I was nauseas. This pissed me off because usually I have 24 hours before the nausea kicks in.

My infusion was on the 16th, I spent the 17th and 18th miserable. Now it’s the 19th, and I’m even more nauseas. It makes me angry, because I need to drink water to combat the nausea, but I can’t drink, because I’m so nauseas. The guy has been beyond helpful. I’m crashing with him while I apartment hunt, though I’m not planning on staying here exclusively. He’s kind, and I don’t ever want to take advantage of his kindness. He’s heading out of town for a few days, then he’ll be back, then gone again for a business trip. I’m trying to plan a visit to another friend, and day trips, but my bod is pissed.

Being forced to move during chemotherapy was a major hurdle. The guy and a few neighbors helped me lao up a U-Haul, and the guy and I unloaded it into a storage unit. My anxiety was through the roof during the entire process. I kept worrying that having me in his space would drive him nuts, but thus far it’s been okay. I’m really not a difficult person to have around, minus the dogs and the chemo induced comatose mood. Still, the anxiety existed and made going into this round a bit more aggravating.

I┬áhad a seizure Monday, and then chemo on Thursday. In the ER after the seizure, the doctor discussed my autonomic neuropathy, and the potential link between that condition, and my seizures. The day of the seizure I hadn’t had anything to eat or drink, and was exhausted from lack of sleep. I always just assumed that seizures could come up from that alone, but apparently the thought process of my neurologist is that these things are tweaking the autonomic neuropathy. The chemotherapy can also aggravate it. My primary care doctor refused to treat my blood pressure because having it be high is preferable. Medicating me could result in dangerously low pressures, which has happened before. My low pulse rate at night also makes over-medicating me likely, and dangerous.

Today, I’m way too nauseas to function. I just hope I can drink some water, eat some Italian ices, and skip to the next set of symptoms. I have discovered the wonders of edible marijuana, but the taste is rough on me. Right now it’s a circle of zofran, phenergan, and marijuana.

Round 5: Cytoxan … My Body is Pissed