Steroid Pain and Major Depression

So this flare was apparently the flare to end all flares. I’m talking eye involvement, ulcers throughout my whole GI system, skin ulcers, headaches, and concern about ulcers in my bladder and vascular kidney changes. That of course means one thing: steroids. I got an injection Wednesday right in the doctor’s office, and was okay, a little sore in my legs but that I figured was just coincidence because I ran a ton of errands without eating or drinking enough.

I forgot about the pain side effect.

Today I was supposed to start on 50mg of Predisone for 4 days, then 40mg for 4 days, 30 for 4 days, and so on till I finish 4 days of 10mg. I only took 20mg, and within hours the pain was severe. I dragged myself through five hours of work, without crying somehow, but I could feel every bone in my back and ribs. My hips feel like they’re on fire, and then there are the muscles in my legs and arms. I’m a shaky, painful mess, and there has to be a better option for patients than this. I’m going to call tomorrow about Methylpredisolone since I seem to tolerate that better for some random reason.

My primary care doctor is handling it because my rheumatologist is as per usual MIA. But whatever. I may end up with an incomplete for my class, and I can’t miss work, so this is just life right now. Painful, literally, but it is what it is, and all I can do is push forward.

I worry I made the wrong decision leaving today early when given the chance, but I hurt to much to care at this exact moment. I helped as long as I could, and I wasn’t scheduled to close, while the other girl was. It isn’t ideal, but it’s life with chronic illness. I want more, but it’s just whatever.

I’m also throwing the poor guy I’m seeing all out of sorts because I can’t think clearly. Between my depression flaring majorly, and now the flare and accompanying steroids, my texts are random, scatterbrained, and in general not timed right at all. I want to apologize and explain it, and there are things we do need to talk about, but I’ve gone and brought it all up at the wrong times in the wrong ways because my brain is functioning on too little sleep and too much medication and/or depression.

I’d like to point out, too, that having PTSD while you also have an autoimmune condition is a pain in the ass for so many reasons. Doctors can never seem to sort out what is being caused by your mental issues vs. your physical ones, even though I know the difference. My fatigue lately? Combo of the two, but mostly because I haven’t been sleeping which is the depression at play. I just sort of come unglued and can’t focus on anything, falling asleep is impossible, and that’s just how it is for me I guess. The anxiety is part of it for me, so  I thank that plays a role.

Damn you body…work!

Steroid Pain and Major Depression

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